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Le Dead

GM Week meeting was completely unproductive.

Got unreasonably moody with Ray AGAIN. He's going to dump me just to not have to put up with my stupid girlyness anymore.

Have a test and an interview and a meeting tomorrow.

Christmas yet? :(
I never update in here anymore. And you know I don't because the last few times I've updated, it's started with "I never update anymore". And I really should because the stress is unbelievable.

These next few weeks before Thanksgiving/Winter Break consist of two tests, 4 papers, two group projects, and A TON of meetings. I sometimes regret signing up to be GM Week Committee Chair because this year is going to rock so much that it's taking over my life. I just want to sleep, for days. But that's impossible because my bed keeps deflating. My roommates still won't put the heat on (thank god for my space heater). And I'm just cranky.

I want to stop being cranky. Responsibility and work and all that fun stuff sucks.

In other news, I am glad I'm not in high school anymore because I forgot how fucking STUPID high school drama shit is.

And it's almost Christmas :D

Election 2008

I haven't written in here in a while, but I feel like I need to after reading some of the journal entries. This isn't directed at any one person (in life or on LJ), it's just from a lot of frustration in the last few weeks.

I'm extremely happy that Obama won. Extremely. When I watched his speech, I had goosebumps. I was actually, literally, filled with hope. Here is a man I truly believed in standing up there saying that he is going to do his best to make America a place to be proud of. I admit, I have not been proud to say that I'm an America in a while. I've never been a fan of President Bush and, especially after traveling through Europe this past summer, I was not able to proudly stand up and shout from the rooftops that I was American. It's something that a lot of other countries look down on. I'm tired of our country being the world's joke. I would have loved to support our President, but he made it near impossible some times. And now, after listening to Obama's speech - I had tears in my eyes. Can we make this a great country to live in? To be proud of? YES WE CAN.

BUT I didn't vote for him because of his pretty voice. I didn't vote for him because he was such a "rock star". I voted for him because I truly believed in what he said.

I am so sick and tired of people saying that "Oh, Obama's gonna win because he's black" or "Obama won't win because he's black" (which is stupid, the election stopped being about race or age a long time ago_ or "Obama has no experience, are you crazy" (Yes, he has less experience. But it's less experience in the government that we've had - it's time for some new experiences) or "Oh my god, someone that Obama associated with 10 or more years ago is a BAD person, he must be too. He's a RACIST" or "You only like Obama because he's cuter than McCain".

And, of course, my favorite: "You only like him because he speaks well"

Yes, he does speak well. Our President DOES need to be eloquent. But that's not the ONLY thing he does. His voice is soothing, he is an excellent orator - but I actually DO care about what he's SAYING, not just how he's saying them. But the way he speaks says so much about him - he has respect for himself and for the people that he is talking to. He exudes confidence and competence and it's a combination of the how and what of his speech that does that.

I understand why people would vote for McCain. I don't agree with them, and that's why I didn't vote for him. But I do understand the reasons behind their votes, and I respect that. As long as you're informed and you care, I respect your opinions. But I feel like a lot of people I know voted for McCain think so low of the people who voted for Obama because they think they did it just because.

I am so sick and tired of people lumping all the people who voted for Obama in a group that only cares about a popularity contest. Obama's cuter. He has cuter kids. I want to be different and stick it to the man and vote for him because he's BLACK. Oooh, he throws around the word change and hope a lot.

Give us a little more credit. A presidential election IS a popularity contest. But it's not based on the same criteria that high school popularity contests are based on. It's based on who's ideas are more popular.

Obama WON. Period. He is going to be our president. It doesn't matter if he won by one vote or a million. He won. And I, personally, believe he's going to do an amazing job.

I was going to disable comments, but I feel like that's just trying to hide. Keep in mind that I haven't posted once about the election the entire time. And if you're going to bash me, I will delete your comment. I just ask for a little respect because I feel like a lot of Obama supporters haven't been given that.
The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.49 to Autism Speaks for *each time* the video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies to help find a cure. When you have a moment, please visit the link below to watch the video and pass it along to your friends and family. They are aiming for 10,000 hits, but hopefully we can help them to surpass this goal.


Dec. 30th, 2007

So, yesterday was our secret santa. We had tons of fun. I love those people. I don't want to go through the whole thing because I'm tired and want to go back to bed, lol, but I want to put this down somewhere so I always have it.

Emily had me and she got me the greatest thing. It nearly made me cry. You have to understand, Emily and I have been best friends for 15 years. The kind of friends where you don't have to talk every day, but will still be each other's maid of honor. That kind of best friends. We grew up together. We know everything about one another. It's the way it works. So she got me a whole bunch of knick knacks that are inside jokes and things she knew I'd like or need. And she put a note with each one and I just...want to have this someplace. So, feel free to read through them if you want, or not if you don't care, lol.

- A bag of blue ranch doritos - "Because you like the blue kind and I like the red kind"
- A Discover science magazine - "It's interesting and it'll make you look smart in public, not that you need any help with that. A good alternative to a cheesy girly book, if you're in the mood"
- Two cans of redbull, sugar free and regular - "For late night studying, think of me when you get this red bull boost! (I didn't know which kind you liked best)"
- A magnet with super girl on it and it says Atomic Bomb Shell "hahahaha get it?"
- A thing of post-its and pencils and highlighters - "School supplies - yay!"
- An ocean breeze reed diffuser - "For when the weather outside is frightful, and summer is nowhere in sight...let the smell of the ocean breeze remind you of us getting a tan, gossiping, and sand between your toes"
- A sudoku book - "Cuz you're a dork - here's a sudoku book you can unwind with. Sneak it into orgo or solve 20 on the train ride home"
- Best Friends Club, Club Kit - "Cuz we were totally cool back in the day, this gift is to celebrate our past"
- A book "The Boys Next Door" - "For on the rare occassion you have free time to read a "real" book, here's a stupid book to relax with. Enjoy!"
- Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood DVD - "In case you need a break, here's a reminder of where we're headed."

Apr. 16th, 2007

Do you guys remember this post?

Due to the circumstances of last night, I started thinking about it again - about that time when I was questioning and I started thinking about how far I've come. It started with a talk with Eric about his views on life and ended with a talk with Ray about religion specifically. After I made that post and got so many suggestions, I did start to do research, I did start reading. Every religion I read about, I agreed with some, and disagreed with others. I read mostly about Christianity because I knew that if I did follow a religion, that would be the one I was going to follow. Then, at the suggestion of surrexi, I read Mere Christianity and was completely blown away. It affected me more than any book ever did - but not the way it was supposed to. It turned me so off of Christianity, I was actually close to disgusted with the religion.

What the book basically preached was that Christianity did give you free choice. You had to choice whether or not to believe in and love God. After that, no choice really mattered, because everything you did was going to lead you to God in the end. I couldn't accept that. I wouldn't accept that. But, I didn't realize until last night that I had actually come to a conclusion about my faith - that I had made my mind up.

I don't belong to a religion. I don't actually believe in God. I'm not an athiest by any means - at least I don't consider myself one. I have FAITH. But I think every religion out there is limiting. It doesn't give you the self power to truly decide.

If nothing else, when it comes down to it, I like to be in charge of me. I like to believe that the things I do make an impact on things, make a difference. I like to believe that the choices I make bring me in a certain direction, a random direction - nothing predetermined. I like to believe that the past is in the past, and looking forward helps more than anything else. I need to know that the consequences I experience are not to lead me in one direction or another - but their purely consequential from my decisions.

I always went around saying "I believe in God - I don't believe in the religion, but I believe in that higher entity." And after talking to Eric last night, I realized that I only say that because the thought of me spending 17 years of my life believing in that being and than all of a sudden not is scary. But...I don't. And to admit that is very freeing.

While Eric was talking about how he feels and what he believes, I realized a lot of what I believe. I still disagree with him a bit - mostly in the free choice part - but it's just so amazing.

Just sit back and reflect and think about your life. There's a...system (for lack of a better word). And, in this "system" things work out. Plain and simple. Things work out.

What Eric and I have is faith - but not so much in a higher being. It's more a belief in a higher power - but that power is within us, within each and every living being - each being has that "inner power". Eric and I believe in that inner power - I never realized I did, but it's true. I always thought it was self confidence, but it's so much more than that - it's inner belief.

Confidence is something that can be built - studying for a test builds my confidence. Trying at something and getting the result I want builds my confidence. But belief is something that is ALWAYS there - it's something that even when you fail or don't meet expectations, it's still ok. I've ALWAYS been this way - I've always had faith that I can make it work.

This isn't blind faith so much as to say "Ok, things will work out, so there's no point in trying." That's not the way it is at all. It's more along the lines of if you REALLY want something and you REALLY work for it, you'll get it. Believing in this inner power won't mean that you have to work less - it just means that the work is easier to do and the outcomes are easier to "accept".

It was really fascinating talking to Eric about this and going through my life and all the thoughts I've ever had and just putting it together like that. Like I said, it's freeing.

I have faith, more than I can possibly explain - it's just completely within myself. I have faith and belief in this "power". And, I think, to some extent, every single person does. Every single person in this world believes in this power. Some give names to it, some don't. But every single person is driven by something, motivated by it. Some religions just try to define it and put limits to it. But it's all the same thing, all the same belief - just different approaches.

So, when it gets down to it - To thine own self be true.

I'm not making this friends only right now, because I want a lot of opinions and thoughts on this, so feel free to spread. I just kind of want feed back. :)

Friends Only

Friends Only.

Why? Because I can. I'm still interesting though, I promise. Comment to be added. Just please leave your name and let me know where I know you from, if I do know you ;)


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